Supporting Your Piano Pathway
Written by Andrew Eales
Louise Eales has more than 30 years of clinical experience as an advanced mental health practitioner, with specialisms in child and adolescent psychiatry, and neurodiversity. I am grateful for her professional insights, specialist advice, and collaboration in the writing of this important article.
WARNING: The following article discusses and includes accounts of humiliation which might trigger distressing memories or thoughts for some readers.
Humiliation is a deeply painful emotional state caused by public exposure of a person’s mistakes or weaknesses. Recognised by psychologists as one of the most potent of emotions, it can have a long-lasting impact on a person’s self-esteem, wellbeing, and mental health.
A mounting body of research shows the connection between humiliation and social anxiety disorder. Additionally, it is associated with episodes of clinical depression and linked to suicidal ideation or acts.
Humiliation is fundamentally done to us.
In his article The Psychology of Humiliation, which appeared in Psychology Today, Neel Burton M.D. explains,
“Whereas shame and guilt are primarily the outcome of self-appraisal, embarrassment and humiliation are primarily the outcome of appraisal by one or several others, even if only in thought or imagination. One critical respect in which humiliation differs from embarrassment is that, whereas we bring embarrassment upon ourselves, humiliation is something that is brought upon us by others.”
Most piano educators, from local teachers to adjudicators, examiners, and conservatoire professors, would balk at the suggestion that we would ever humiliate a student. But realistically, many of us will have inadvertently done so, and will likely also have experienced humiliation ourselves.
We have fostered a culture around piano playing that leaves players of all ages and abilities precariously vulnerable. I find many adults returning to playing recount painful episodes in their piano journey where they have felt humiliated and debilitated.
Running the Gauntlet
When I think of humiliation, one memory that quickly comes to mind is that of my first PE lessons at Prep School. The teacher (let’s call him Mr. Cane) had a particular skill and penchant for humiliating children.
For the duration of each lesson the class would be split into three “teams”, using the time-tested system of allowing favourites to pick classmates until the weaklings, overweight and unpopular were finally chosen. And yes, that was me.
We all knew that the lesson would culminate with the losing team “running the gauntlet”. For this horror, the two more successful teams would form a baying corridor through which the losers would have to run, hands on their knees, the winning teams spanking them as they passed. Mr. Cane did little to disguise the perverse amusement he gained from this ritual humiliation, and perhaps reasoned that he was doing us all a favour, “toughening us up” for the harsh realities beyond the school gates.
But Cane was wrong in every sense, and the experience left me with a deep aversion for sports which lasted for the rest of my schooling and into adult life. Indeed, it might be argued that by making physical education and fitness traumatic and unpleasant, men like him have essentially left today’s NHS with an enormous bill.
Far from “toughening us up”, humiliation leaves us degraded, weakened, damaged. It is not and never will be a legitimate strategy for education. And yet the logic of Cane and his kind historically permeated all areas of education, including as we shall see, piano teaching.
We, too, want to prepare students for the world beyond our studios. But has the classical music world adapted as quickly and thoroughly to present day values as it should? Perhaps the shadow and legacy of Cane’s competitive outlook still looms large.
How we humiliate our students
Obviously none of us wants to humiliate our students. And yet there are a number of ways in which piano teachers can inadvertently do just that. The list that follows highlights four such ways, from the private teaching room to the concert platform, in the hope that through better understanding, we can improve.
They appear in order of severity, from tackling the low-level sense of humiliation that can result from a teacher making unrealistic demands, to the more severe trauma that can be associated with public humiliation.
1. UNREALISTIC DEMANDS
There is a fine balance between encouraging and developing new skills, and pushing students too hard to do something they aren’t yet capable of or ready for. It is basic, good teaching practice to be sure that our students properly understand and are equipped for any task we set them.
When assigning a new piece, for example, are we sure that the student understands the notation, can access necessary technique, and has strategies for effective practice?
Mistakes have diagnostic value, but primarily reveal problems in our teaching, gaps we have failed to address, flaws in our communication when setting a piece. We teachers should therefore take responsibility, admit our own fault, and ensure students aren’t made to feel in any way inadequate.
Teachers sometimes also have unrealistic practice expectations. For more on this, please check out my article Let’s talk about our practice expectations.
2. CUTTING CRITICISM
An important element of the piano teacher’s role is to provide a constructive critique of the student’s playing, but in doing so we need to be careful to avoid harsh language, a dispassionate delivery, and rushing to correct every small mistake in a spirit of impatience.
This is such an important subject that I have written a separate post to help teachers develop their toolkit for giving constructive, helpful criticism: Piano Teaching and the Art of Criticism.
The feedback players receive from examiners and adjudicators has even more potential to humiliate, because of the added weight their words are typically given, and because they appear in an enduring written form that can damage confidence over and again.
3. SINGING WOES
Singing can be a hugely beneficial element of music education, empowering aural development, playing by ear, fostering musical phrasing, and much more. However, the inconvenient truth is that while younger children are usually fine with singing in the lesson, teenagers and adults may be appalled by the very suggestion.
I once witnessed a teenage student running from the room in tears when pressurised to sing an exam aural test. A respected colleague told me that one of her students actually vomited in the middle of a lesson when asked to sing, such was their situational anxiety.
There can be many reasons for this strong aversion. Singing is a deeply personal form of expression, and some people simply aren’t comfortable with the naked exposure of their voice. We need to respect the individual, and tailor their bespoke learning, progression and assessment journey with appropriate care.
See also: Singing in Aural Tests: the bottom line
4. COMPARISON & COMPETITION
It seems obvious that making comparisons between students can be deeply unhelpful, but sadly they can drop into casual conversation, not just public masterclasses, festivals, and competitions. How careful we need to be!
In the case of competitive events, however much we emphasise the benefits of taking part, the piano student whose playing is subjected to a harsh critique in public may very understandably feel humiliated. Bearing in mind the established mental health risks, I consider it my basic duty of care as a teacher to advise students against participation in such events.
While some teachers insist that “most” of their students enjoy festivals, the truth here is that we can’t expect participants to voice their settled feelings about losing, or having their playing criticised in public, because the human psychological response to humiliation includes several phases and typically takes time to process.
Two Case Studies
Take David (not his real name), a successful banker in his 40’s, who arrived at his first piano lesson stating he would never be willing to perform in front of others:
“As a child I was made to enter the local music festival every year. I usually didn’t do very well. Each year I disappointed my family and my teacher. It seemed pathetic to admit to her how anxious it all made me feel. And she loved these events; I didn’t want to upset her.”
Happily, returning to lessons later in life, David has discovered joy in his piano playing, and has even started playing to others within a supportive environment.
Then there’s Carole (again, not her real name). She first wrote to me about returning to piano lessons at the age of 60, and described herself as “a basket case”. I wanted to get to the bottom of why she felt this way…
“Every year my teacher would enter my sister and me for the local festival. My sister always won, but I never did. Then we would play together in the duet class, and it was always me who went wrong on the stage and spoilt our chances of doing well…”
Why did Carole’s teacher and parents allow this to continue from one year to the next?
“It was just expected. All her pupils had to take part. So each year I would put on my prettiest dress, walk up onto that platform, and fail in front of all those people.”
Carole eventually quit music lessons, but for the next forty years continued to play for pleasure when nobody else was around. Having resumed lessons she has finally, after several decades of married life, played the piano in front of her husband. It’s a breakthrough, but one which should never have been necessary.
Ending the humiliation
How can we develop a more positive, affirming musical culture for piano players? For starters, let’s commit to the following ideals:
- only set students realistic goals and tasks
- admit when we as teachers get it wrong by pushing too hard
- be more careful in how we deliver advice and criticism
- use positive language and remember to include genuine praise
- take more interest in pupils’ overall lives and welfare
- when demonstrating, avoid showing off
- avoid making comparisons between students
- only enter students for exams if there is a particular need to, and if it’s clear that it will be a positive experience
- replace piano competitions and masterclasses with more unifying, positive events that celebrate our shared love of music
Louise suggests two golden rules which should help us all avoid humiliating our students.
1. GET TO KNOW YOUR STUDENTS
Find out who they really are: their ambitions, goals, strengths and weaknesses, fears and motivations. Develop an awareness of their comfort zones. Cultivate a healthy and honest relationship.
Make your teaching studio a truly safe place.
If we maintain a good relationship with a student, but occasionally get it wrong by pushing them too hard, they are less likely to feel any sense of humiliation, because they will know that the learning environment is a secure and accepting one.
2. NEVER FORCE ANYTHING
Never FORCE students to play in public, take exams, sing, or expect them to learn music which is beyond their present level. Reject any coercion.
NO always means NO, and we should all be attentive and unquestioningly respectful to our students’ wishes.
Conclusion
My key recommendation in this article must be that more care and thought is given to the emotional wellbeing of pianists, from the youngest beginners to the most seasoned professional. At every level and stage, we must promote positive, collaborative, proactive teaching and learning.
How often do you meet an adult who says to you something like this:
“I learnt the piano as a child…but I was rubbish.”
According to whom? We need to rid ourselves of such negative gatekeeping, throw the doors open, and welcome the world back in.
So, let’s get creative. We could easily begin by replacing competitions with concerts, masterclasses with lecture-recitals, and we may even find that their more positive, unifying vibe draws in a more relaxed, appreciative audience.
We can yet reaffirm piano playing as one of the most enjoyable, satisfying and life-affirming of endeavours, and one where everyone is truly welcome and valued.
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